My father in law's funeral tomorrow

[sparkdeco]

My hubby's dad died last Tuesday and we have got the funeral to go to tomorrow. I have been really lucky up to now in that I have not had a close family member pass away.
I have been comforting hubby best i can, but i'm really upset too and want to know how those of you that have experienced this, manage to get through it all.

His dad was 83, had been ill in hospital for a while, so even though we knew it would soon happen, it's still hard to come to terms with it.

[Fossy]

Sorry to hear your news. Unfortunately the grieving process affects us all in different ways and lengths of time. When my first wife died, it took me 18 months before I'd gotten over the worst, but I still think of her everyday and that is after 18 years..

Once the hard part is over it gets easier and you tend to remember the good times and put the grieving part to the back of your mind.

Sorry its not much, but I hope it goes a little way to help.

[ejean9]

Sorry to hear of your loss..Fossy is right..its different for us all..try and remember the good times...the things that bring a smile to your face...its a true saying "gone but not forgotton" the next few months will be hard...but it will get easier...(((hugs)))

[kengillam]

The important thing is don't feel you have to conform to anyone else idea of grieving, it's a personal thing and we all deal with it in different ways. Yes days will be sad, and even when you think you are over it, emotions can suddenly overwhelm you again. Don't fight the emotions it is part of each of us.

[brishada]

Sorry to hear your sad news Sparkdeco

I’m going to echo the others advice, grief is an individual thing, some of us handle us ‘better’ than others. The only thing I have to add is to remember to let your grief out, don’t hold it in. You are also having to experience your husband’s grief too, if you are there for each other that will help BOTH of you.

From experience I can agree, time IS a great healer and your pain will ease eventually. Memories however only fade if we want them to…

Take care
Sharon

[mrsandman]

Hello and I am so very sorry for your loss. Sadly I went through this last year with my wonderful mam and a lovely niece...

All I can add to the above comments is : Please don't expect too much from yourself. Take everyday as it comes and never push your feelings away. Sometimes the ' shock' may hit you all over again , that too is natural... Again allow yourself some TLC the same for your huspand.. God Bless x

[cornishmaid1961]

Awww ((((Dawn )))) sorry to hear that news. As the other's say each person has a different coping mechanism. I lost my mum when I was seventeen and it helped that I went straight back to school the next day and kept busy. Other's however like to spend some time by themselves quietly.
I think the important thing to focus on at the moment is that all his pain and suffering is now gone and to remember some of the happy times you shared as a family.

[bittymatriarch]

I lost my mother, aged 82, suddenly, the Sunday before Christmas - and I remember nothing of driving over from Wales to Cambridgeshire to be with Dad on the Monday. We had a lot to do to get the paperwork done and registered in 4 days, so that kept us going - I was being strong for Dad.

It was when I got home again it really hit me, and going back for the funeral was a nightmare - but I survived, as has my Dad. As Ken says, everyone has their own way of dealing with grief, but whatever you & your husband do, don't bottle it up.

My doctor signed me off work for 6 weeks while I worked my way through the grieving process - I miss her very much, but I can talk about her now without crumpling up.

HTH

Ann.

[MadcatwomanEnterprises]

(((((((hugs))))))) So sorry to hear that, I hope the funeral goes as well as can be expected.

One of my sisters was at a funeral on Friday of her friend's two year old son - he had been diagnosed with leukaemia in the summer but was responding well to treatment and was sent home. He had been fine for a couple of weeks and suddenly just vomited blood and within hours, he was gone. What on earth can you say at a time like that?

[PoppyGrove]

We all have different ways of dealing with death and the loss of a loved one.

For me, having grown up on a farm, I knew about birth, life and death from a very early age - When mother died I worked in a hospital and was 'confronted' with it quite often, so when mother died, I was partly immune to it - and I wasn't close to mother, so I was able to distance myself from the emotional part of the loss, and sorting the funeral etc.

When I lost my Dad however, it was a totally different ball game. I was no longer in the same work environment, and Dad was my parent, so we were very close as a family. He had his first and last heart attack, and was only 66 when he died, so there was no chance of preparing myself for the event, nor being able to 'say goodbye' as it were.

I kind of felt numb, in a daze, just going through the motions of the arrangements - which do keep some of the grief at bay for a time. One word of warning - if its burial - and you both are feeling quite emotional - DON'T stand too close to the edge of the grave as they lower the cofin down.

The old saying that time heals - well, I don't know - to me, time allows you to come to terms with the idea that someone close is no longer with us. It took me over 2 years to come to terms with Dads death - and even now - 10 years down the line, sometimes it still hurts, and tears do still come to my eyes when I think of him. Not always - but usually when I'm least expecting them too, or when I'm already feeling a bit down for some reason.

I can be thankful in that I have lots of good memories of my father, and those keep me going. I can also be thankful that I don't have any worries about him climbing a ladder to refix slates back onto his roof, or something equally daft, or if he has enough food, money, is he warm enough etc etc. I don't need to worry about him in any respects as where he is, I know he is safe. And that - is my only consolation, and for that, I am thankful.