"madhatter's Joke Of The Day"

[MyHeartsMyFlowers]

Whenever I come home from playing golf, my son always asks me excitedly, "Did you win, Dad?"

I have explained to him time and time again that you're really just playing against yourself.

We were on holiday and I had gone out to play a round. When I returned, the kids were swimming in the hotel pool, which was full of kids and surrounded by dozens of parents.

From across the pool, at the top of his lungs, my son yelled, "Hey Dad! Did you have fun playing with yourself?"

We checked out that night.

[Anichka54]

Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me
Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired
at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day
promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line
is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2
men march down to the factory floor When they get there the line is so
backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor
and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle
Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,
wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little
package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and
approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, but
I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday." Your job
is to give Elmo two test tickles!

[bigusdickus]

i lick thatt one arrseitcher hoap yoo our well

[Anichka54]

i lick thatt one arrseitcher hoap yoo our well

Thank you, i'm very well, i hope you are too.

My Daughter sent that so i thought i'd share it here.

[madhatter1]

---L O L---

[madhatter1]

The Widow at the Farmhouse
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's estate car and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."

Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney. He called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and visit with her?"

"Yes, I have to admit that I did."

"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turns red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."

"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"

[MyHeartsMyFlowers]

This morning I was standing next to a very fat guy at a urinal when suddenly for no discernible reason he confided in me that he hadn't seen his willy in 15 years.

Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what else to say and wanting to be helpful, I uttered, "Why don't you diet?"

Giving me a surprised sideways stare, he said, "Dye it? What colour is it now?"

[madhatter1]

This morning I was standing next to a very fat guy at a urinal when suddenly for no discernible reason he confided in me that he hadn't seen his willy in 15 years.

Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what else to say and wanting to be helpful, I uttered, "Why don't you diet?"

Giving me a surprised sideways stare, he said, "Dye it? What colour is it now?"

WHAT YOU DOING IN MEN'S TOILET????
I like to have seen that ---good trick that "standing up to a men's urinal)

[madhatter1]

This morning I was standing next to a very fat guy at a urinal when suddenly for no discernible reason he confided in me that he hadn't seen his willy in 15 years.

Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what else to say and wanting to be helpful, I uttered, "Why don't you diet?"

Giving me a surprised sideways stare, he said, "Dye it? What colour is it now?"

wonder what would happen if you tried "tie dyeing " with it?

[madhatter1]

P/S I got some cusion covers you could do that with v
v
v