"madhatter's Joke Of The Day"

[madhatter1]

THIS IS A TRANSCRIPT OF AN E-MAIL SENT IN REPLY TO SUPPORT RE. SUSPENDING ME AND WHY
1st.from me to support:-
> Why have I been barred again ?.
> Please explain .
> Just e-mail me if you think I am doing wrong,my brain auction is just trying
> to get us noticed and do a bit for charity.
> I don't want to - upset - offend - con - spam - do any wrong at all - sell
> anything illegal - etc.
> I will not do anything until I consult the managers of e-bid,what started
> off as a laugh could actually benefit the whole site if handled correctly,
> JUST SPEAK TO ME,NOT JUST SUSPEND MY ACCOUNT OUT OF HAND.
> Derrick aka madhatter1 drslade@yahoo.co.uk

2nd their reply:-
"Hi Derrick,
We asked you twice to refrain from listing 'BRAIN IN CONTAINER'. You agreed, and then went on to relist! Please clarify.
eBid Support Team"

Don't think so!!!!

3rd. my reply:-
Hi ! Well this is a bit of a quandary .
1st. I was never asked to refrain from listing "brain in container" I was just suspended out of hand with no prior warning.
2nd. I did not agree to not listing , it must of been an assumption on your part.
3rd.I never re-listed it you must have put it back up when you re-instated my account.
If you want me to take listing off I will quite happily do so, JUST ASK!
If you just want me to re-word it so it is obviously not a serious auction or a real brain just say so or basically if you want me just to close my account and sod off just say so .
Derrick---Madhatter

Now if i am in the wrong I will give in and go if not where's my apology??

quote-
Honest I'm not really selling my BRAIN it was a joke auction, just trying to put some humour in all our live's and attract attention to our site . Maybe I will auction ,-a piece of rope, a paper clip,or some pixel's on a web page,...

" ME SORRY I AFFEND THEE "

LUV DERRICK AKA "The Madhatter"

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN NO EXPLANATION OR RESPONSE TO ABOVE CONTACT


Hi Derrick,

Thank you for the email. We appreciate the response. Try to login now.

Best Wishes
eBid Support Team

[madhatter1]

Heavenly Voice Mail Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.

(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3 16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.

[madhatter1]

Check Out Mate A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?", they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[Anichka54]

Heavenly Voice Mail Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.

(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3 16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.

Love it, brilliant, thanks.

[madhatter1]

Knock Knock! Who's There? Norma Lee.

Norma Lee who?

Normalee I don't go around knocking on doors, but do you want to buy a set of encyclopedias?

[madhatter1]

Wo Man An English teacher wrote this phrase on the board and asked her students to properly punctuate it:

"Woman without her man is nothing."

MEN WROTE: Woman, without her man, is nothing.

WOMEN WROTE: Woman! Without her, man is nothing.

[madhatter1]

Dogged Lawyer A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher's shop and steals a roast.

The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me £8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for £8.50 (attorneys don't carry cash).

Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: It was a bill for £100 for a consultation!

[betsyboo]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed......

"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked,

"What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching!"

Moral - not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!

[madhatter1]

The Homone Hostage The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands. Following is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!.

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

[Anichka54]

The Homone Hostage The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands. Following is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!.

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

Best one yet, lol.