Some People Are Complete And Utter...

[MadcatwomanEnterprises]

Crikey, sounds like you've been through more than I have. Had the same with my ex though - used to beat the cr@p out of the kids and me, then went to court when I stopped overnight stays because he was beating seven bells out of them. And because his parents were well off, he got a good solicitor, and tried to claim in court it was ME who was beating the kids up! Imagine if a court had believed him and sent the kids back to him for more beatings? I also apparently killed cats in my spare time, and even though I am 5ft 1 and he is 6ft 1, apparently I was always punching him in the face in front of the kids. He must have stood there waiting until I brought a chair to stand on to hit him then....

Thankfully, after going through CAFCASS (in our case twice, through two court hearings over two years), we finally got the result we wanted. CAFCASS talk to the kids if they are old enough and get their spin on things. First CAFCASS officer had made his mind up before he even met me and the kids and we got shafted badly. Second one listened to everything the kids said and we got the best result for the kids i.e supervised contact only. Which will explode this week because the youngest wants to miss one contact session a fortnight to attend lessons on learning to play drums (yes, she is a tomboy). Probably means me getting dragged back to court again, but what is learning drums compared to sitting bored in McDs?

Anyway, as usual, I ramble. Basically, in a court case, CAFCASS will get involved. They will take note of if there is any regular contact, if the ex attends regularly for contact, if contact is constructive, if he supports the child financially and emotionally. They will check if the child is of school age whether he takes care of things like helping with homework, fetching and carrying to afterschool clubs etc. They take into account what happens when the ex does have contact with the child, is it beneficial, and whether the resident parent is dealing with the situation in a mature, sensible and conciliatory way. If the child is willing, able and old enough to explain their feelings, it will be made note of.

If, in the worst case scenario, CAFCASS make a decision for more contact, then any decent reason to stop contact or restrict it will result in it being brought back to court again. But bear in mind, stopping contact means breaking a court order and can result in imprisonment for the resident parent even if the absent parent has been abusing or neglecting the child/ren. But it would result in a review, and by that time the child gets older so what they say to CAFCASS, their own feelings, lend more weight as time goes on.

Hope your daughter gets through it okay, Frank. I know it was an unbelievable hell for me going through court, because it gets nasty, and some people aren't beyond lying and dirty tricks. I'm sure with a strong family backing her, and if it does go to CAFCASS, insist that you are interviewed in conjunction with preparation of the final report and your opinions noted in that it would cause more disruption and harm than it would good for your grandchild. In my case, CAFCASS spoke to my ex's family, but didn't bother speaking to mine, so it made it look as though he had loads of support and I had none, which didn't help the kids and my case any.

[Cocksparrer]

I dumped my sons father 7 yrs ago my son is now nearly 8yrs old. Since I dumped the dad hes never bothered to contact us or ask to see his son. I took him to court so he could have visitation rights. But he failed to turn up. The Judge said "Miss Hall this is an unusual case, a Mother taking the Father to court so he can have access. I commend you. But as Mr Pearse has failed to turn up, in future if he wants contact with his son he will have to go to Social Services to be assesed and you will have the last say as to whether he can see his son". End of case. My sons father has only made 2 payments to the CSA totalling £135.00. And ever since then I have been harrassing the CSA to get him to pay for his sons upbringing. But the CSA doesnt seem to be bothered. His father is now married and theyre still living at the same address. We have contact with the Grandparents and they help us out alot. And are very good to us. I mentioned to the Grandparents that my son wanted to see his father. Tey mentioned that to my sons father and apparently his reply was. "Humpth". So there you have it.

As for yorkiesauctions well the father wont stand a chance in hell in getting custody. For the simple reasons ehs never paid for the sons upkeep. Has no intention of paying for his son. And just because his family have money doesnt matter.
I suggest in future you keep a log book of dates hes made to see his son. And then add in the book whether he bothered to turn up or not. If theres any conversations between the 2 of you then also log that. This can be used as evidence in court. Any messages on mobile or answer machines keep them too they can be used in court as well. Good luck

[yorkiesauctions]

Sounds like a few of you have gone through nightmares.

We're 99% sure that my daughter has nothing to worry about. Her son is doing really well at school and the teachers always comment on what a lovely lad he is and that he's always happy. It's just that my daughters ex is a sly git with no morals whatsoever and that the law in this country is so unpredictable.

Anyway, thanks for the comments and advice, I'm sure everything will work out okay. I'll even move them in with us if it improves their chances.

Thanks again folks.

[razamakaz]

Good luck Frank - I am sure they will take into account the fact he (a) has had little contact and (b) the coincidence of him only wanting custody because the CSA are on his back!

Sounds like a case of bluff to me. Remember, I work for a law firm and we have a specialist department in this, so if you want me to put any feelers out about what you can do, let me know.

[yorkiesauctions]

Good luck Frank - I am sure they will take into account the fact he (a) has had little contact and (b) the coincidence of him only wanting custody because the CSA are on his back!

Sounds like a case of bluff to me. Remember, I work for a law firm and we have a specialist department in this, so if you want me to put any feelers out about what you can do, let me know.

Cheers lass, I'll keep that in mind.

[2steps]

I don't think the money will be a big issue yorkie. The fact that your daughter is providing a loving, sable enviroment for her son while his dad, certainly seems to have not cared all these years will be a bigger factor I'd think. But if it was me, I'd still be terrified.

Also if they wasn't married before the baby was born he has no right/claims over the boy.

I can't remember the proper term for this either but its true. when I split up with my kids dad a few years ago, his mother made a massie issue and kept hassling him over it and getting a joint parental responsibilty order so 'she can't run off with the kids'
I would never (and never did) deny him access and he knew that. We were still good friends anyway so it wasn't an issue. Haing lost my dad for many years as a child, even if I hated the guy I wouldn't put him or my children through that.
I think it makes a difference whether the fathers name is on the child birth certificate too

[seaemelle]

I've just copied this off the Families Need Fathers website

An unmarried father has few legal rights with regard to his children unless he has a legally binding Parental Responsibility Agreement or a Parental Responsibility Order. He does have the right to make applications for contact etc. through the court.

"Married or not, you do not have any rights to your child, you have responsibilities. Your child has the right to grow up with the love and care of both parents. It is your responsibility to protect the rights of your child".

An unmarried father who jointly signs the birth register with the mother from 1st December 2003 now has Parental Responsibility. This does not apply to children born before the legislation was passed, although it is a common misconception.

An unmarried father without Parental Responsibility has no right to act on the child's behalf (except in emergency) or to be consulted over which school the child attends, which religion, if any, (s)he is brought up in, what medical treatment (s)he receives, what name (s)he is known by, or whether (s)he is put up for adoption. An unmarried father cannot get a passport for the child or access official documents or school/medical records. He remains liable to pay the Child Support Agency on demand and may have money deducted from his wages.

The site's home page is http://www.fnf.org.uk/fnfindex.htm and may help clarify some issues.

[shezz]

Have read all the stories regarding the mothers side of the story, but in some cases fathers are treated just as bad.

My son and his ex have just had a baby, they lived together in a flat when she found out she was pregnant, after a while they realised that finacially they could not keep the flat on, and she wanted to move back in with her mother and father, ( who did not care tooo much for my son) my son was not too happy about it, but done it for his girlfriend and the babies sake, after living there for about 6 months he finally had to give in and come back home to live ( too many arguments at his girlfriends house, there is a lot more involved then wot has been mentioned), although he came home he still had contact with his ex on a daily basis, went to all the scans brought the baby all the things that was needed. When the baby was born about a month ago things have gone really bad for him, as the mother is being a right B**** firstly he did not know the baby had been born till the day after it had been born, was told he could not go and see the baby, by her parents ( but he did). I was told I could not go and see it then his girlfriend relented and let me see the baby for an hour only (had to drive 1 1/2 hrs to get there) his name is on the birth certificate and although he pays her every week (not through CSA as I have told him too) it is more then wot CSA would ask him for, the mother decides when he can and can't see the baby which is okay but as he pays her fortnightly the week he does'nt pay she will not let him see the baby, shouts and screams at him over the phone, threatens him that he is never going to see the baby, he is devastated okay he does'nt want to get back with the mother but he is willing to take responsibility for his son, but it is the mother who is stopping him.

Being the father wot rights has he got LOl not a lot. it is hurting him that he cannot see his own child.

[seaemelle]

Being the father wot rights has he got LOl not a lot. it is hurting him that he cannot see his own child.

Some of the info on the Families Need Fathers website might help your son - if he wants to keep contact with his child he needs now to start a log/diary of payments made, visits allowed/disallowed etc. It may not happen yet, but some time in the future it could help him.

[2steps]

thats awful mimms
I agree he should keep record of what money he gives her or only pay it through a bank, incase she decideds later to say he's never given her anything